• Haris Ahmed

This Life Update isn't a life update! (#1)

Picture the scene, you're 14 again; it's after school on a Tuesday evening and you're on your social media of choice: MySpace, AOL, or Snapchat (others are available), and you see a black screen with vague and nondescript rants about the most irrelevant topics you can think of - I was that person!

A while back, i made a commitment to keep myself to myself, to not post rants that nobody really cares about, and to live my life and do the things i do... so why am i here?

Well that's the thing! In between the pretty mundane existential crises and the daily questioning of every moral decision i've made to this point, i find myself at a crossroads in life. I'm young enough to still have plenty to look forward to in life (God-willing), but old enough to seriously question the direction i'm headed in. Long story short, I hope that whatever decides to find itself on this post and this blog as a whole will resonate with you and provoke some thoughts and responses. If not, then at least i'm fulfilling my therapist's wish to document my life and express myself in ways other than just poetry, which seems to be going well for me apparently!

Before this first post turns into an eternal introduction, let me just start talking about my life right now... it's my third year since moving out - twentieth year if you count the global pandemic that we've just experienced in between - i just quit my stable job, and i'm rebuilding after multiple years of decline for several reasons. So just your average coming of age movie, really! Part of the oversharing which i alluded to ended when i stopped looking to social media for validation, and it seems other people share my low engagement approach instead of the 3-4 posts a week i'd somehow maintain.

I'm reprioritising what i hold to be important... it's no longer my games console and toxic situations, but instead it's my faith, a solid career, and having encouraging and productive people around me. I'm extremely privileged to talk about recent achievements including joining the board of directors of something larger than my bedroom, setting this website up, and a bunch of other stuff that's either in the pipeline or slipped from my mind!

I'm working on regulating my emotions and my off-days, i suffered from a lot of creative burnout, stress and other headaches of varying degrees... i went from loving and trusting so easily, to completely withdrawing from society, and feeling just as low when it didn't have the desired effect (mood change or what?!). The moral of the story was finding balance and realising that ignoring a problem doesn't remove it, but just sidelines it and allows it to worsen.

I have a lot i want to accomplish, and i'm unsure how for the most part, besides trusting in Allah and throwing various amounts of enthusiasm at whatever I do. I'm astounded by my progress so far, and i'm only acknowledging it because this is my platform as opposed to being put on the spot at an event i'm at to keep up appearances and confirm that i am indeed still alive!

It's currently 01:40AM, which sends off alarm bells in my brain to get some sleep, but also challenges the inner pre-teen in me to see how long i can fight it for... I have several projects open on my laptop at the moment, and all of them are playing second fiddle to this spontaneous blog post i decided to write after a euphoric walk around town, but anyways... let's see where this blog life takes us, that's if it extends beyond this first iteration, which is undoubtedly improvised and unpolished.

- Haris

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